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There are a lot of unanswered questions about the so-called Steele Dossier. One of the most salacious is whether the Russians have a videotape of Donald Trump ordering two prostitutes to perform a golden shower in front of him in a Moscow hotel room. We're here to help unravel this. Yes. It is true. Absolutely. Full stop.
You may wonder: How can we be so sure? Well, we thought about it. For approximately half a billionth of a second. And thus we determined that this is the most obviously true thing we've ever heard. In fact, a better question might be: How could this possibly not be true?
This concludes our investigation.